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Flavours of Thought : Recipe 9: Falling Out of Love

Recipe 9: Falling Out of Love

Excerpted from Flavours of Thought: Recipes for Fresh Thinking by Tom Evans

Occasions
The end of a relationship
The loss of spark
Cutting cords

Ingredients
Excitation >> Isolation >> Validation

Falling out of love is about transition and allowing cycles to come to their natural conclusion.

The excitation used in this flavour is one that you experience that you are about to move on to new pastures. Remember that the real work in any relationship starts and ends with you. This is not about replacing an old love with hate but for the love to change in its complexion and indeed its taste.

If possible you should aim to fall out of love while retaining a certain love for the other party. Note that this doesn't have to be about sexual relationships. You can love being in a company or a rock band. Love them for the time you have had together and for the times yet to come between you where your love will transcend to another level.

If possible then spend a period of isolation before falling in love again. This avoids rebounds as well as back tracking and remorse.

Use this time to fall in love with yourself but not in a narcissistic way.

Give yourself 'me time' and do some things you would love to do but couldn't inside the relationship.

This will have the effect of validating your actions. You will start to see what the old relationship prevented you from doing. While seeing this objectively, it is important to keep feeding love mentally into the old relationship for helping you get to this point.

You would not now be able to appreciate 'the new' if you hadn't experienced the 'not-having' of it. •

Renaissance Man and Imagineer Tom Evans is the author of four books and counting about creativity. More »

1/17/12

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